My apologies
I neglected to introduce you to a very important self.
Minutes after I posted my thoughts about Self-Love and No-Self, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
It wasn’t a gentle tap.
Someone was really trying to get my attention.
I turned around and did a double take. There, standing inches away, was a tall guy, though not quite as tall as me. He had a head of silver hair, not salt-and-pepper like mine.
He scowled at me, with his furrowed brow and protruding lower lip. He cleared his throat, and snarled:
“You forgot about me. How dare you!”
Fortunately, I quickly figured out who this was. Sheepishly, I replied:
“So sorry, Future Self. It won’t happen again. I’ll make amends and introduce you to the readers of The Alignment right now.”
“Yeah, you better,” he snorted.
The Future Self is not usually so cross. In fact, he is a close relative of Self-Love. And, besides, his indignation was justified, because I didn’t mention him in my “Self-love or no-self” post.
Future Self’s well-being is dependent on our present-day decisions: What we eat, how much we exercise, how we treat our friends and loved ones, how much money we save and invest. All of that affects our future well-being.
Quite often, conflict arises between our present “wants” and the welfare of who we will be 10, 20, even 30 years from now.
For instance, when the alarm clock buzzes in the darkness of a cold winter morning, Present Self wants to hit the snooze button. Future Self wants to go to the gym.
Present Self wants to spend $7 on a Marshmallow Frappuccino at Starbucks. Future Self wants to increase our investment in our IRA (and also wants you to order your drink without whipped cream).
I could go on with a million other examples, but you get the idea.
Please learn from my mistake: Don’t forget your Future Self.
Seriously, it behooves us to nurture a warm, loving relationship with our Future Self.
Don’t take it from me. (You’ll find me saying that a lot on The Alignment.)
My inspiration for engaging with my Future Self did not come from a tap on the shoulder. In reality, it came from an interview with UCLA psychology professor Hal Hershfield, aired recently on Shankar Vedantam’s excellent Hidden Brain podcast.
Here’s a snippet of that interview:
Shankar: “If we could build a warmer and closer relationship with our future selves, if we come to think of our future selves in the same way we think about a beloved child or a spouse or a close friend, we might have a very different relationship with what we’re doing in the here and now.”
Hershfield: “That’s right. It’s really in some ways about injecting a sense of empathy into the relationship we have with these distant versions of ourselves. We have found that people who have more of this sense of connection, more of a feeling of overlap with their future selves, are more likely to engage in the sorts of behaviors that will benefit them both now and in the future.”
I’d like to emphasize Hershfield’s last point. More often than not, the best interests of our future and present selves are aligned.
For instance, exercising now will make us feel better in the present (at least once your workout is finished) and will lay a foundation for future well-being.
For Jews, this time of year is particularly suited to familiarizing ourselves with our future selves. During Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we contemplate the type of person we aspire to become.
So, practically speaking, how do we create and sustain our relationship with the Future Self?
One of Hershfield’s studies found that people are more inclined to save money and engage in other healthy activities after they have been confronted with a photo of their future selves, like the one above in this article. Being able to vividly picture the future version of ourselves can have a powerful effect. You can create such a photo on the website Fotor, as I did.
Another idea is to periodically write to your Future Self, in a diary or online. Pour your heart out about what you’ve been eating, how much you’ve been exercising, and how much money you’ve been saving. Your Future Self might not respond right away, but will be grateful, nonetheless.
OK, Future Self, you’ve now had your 15 minutes of fame on The Alignment. Are you satisfied? Are we good?
Future Self looked only mildly pleased.
“Hey Jeffrey,” he grunted, “stop writing and get to the gym.”
Note to Subscribers: As we bring Hebrew Year 5783 to a close, I’d like to thank everyone who has shown faith in me by subscribing to The Alignment. I will be doing my utmost in the year ahead to not only justify your confidence, but to consistently provide you with helpful, humorous and inspiring writing.
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